Sometimes I am absolutely, completely, and without a doubt, pathetic. I have a negative attitude, and all I want to do is cry and feel sorry for myself. Lately I've been extremely pitiful about so many things... but mostly about not seeing my husband enough.
I try to post mainly uplifting, inspiring blogs. I try to not air how I am feeling if it's negative... I don't want my blog to be a place for me to whine and complain, but this one is a little different.
I have been really sad for myself this week for so many reason. I will have less time to spend with Andrew this week because of schedules and school. Andrew was offered a second interview for a company out of state (SO excited for and proud of him, but sad that it may take him away for even longer). School also brings me down because of its negativity. I'm sure I could make a list a mile long, but I won't continue.
The main point is I've been feeling sorry for myself. I've been super lonely, and I've been letting myself feel upset about the situation. I feel like I have every right to want to cry, but what does that solve? Nothing- it just ends in a headache and swollen eyes.
I need to realize that this life is bigger than me. It's not all about me- and although I would love for things to be different in a lot of ways, it is what it is. God has a purpose, and I need to let go and let God.
Easier said than done, right?
I think God realized that I needed an immediate lesson in how many blessings I experience every day. He also realized that He needed to pour them on strong, because I've been in a mood where I haven't wanted to listen.
Boy, He did just that today...
Around noon, I received an email from my dear friend, Jen. I am sure it stemmed from my negative status update on facebook, but it quickly changed my attitude. Let me share:
"You're blessed when you are out of options, and all you can do is lean on God. Because when you realize your need for God it is only then that you tap into His immeasureable greatness and goodness. You're blessed when you've been stripped of that which is most precious to you. Because only then can you be tenderly embraced by the One most precious to you."
-Jen
She paraphrased this from Matthew 5:3-5, and it couldn't have been more perfect for what I've been experiencing and feeling lately.
Jen and I met through school, and we quickly became good friends last year around this time. We have often said that God brought us together for a very specific reason, and today this reason was extremely evident. Jen always know just what to say to lift my spirits, and she always comes to me when she needs someone to talk to.
We both provide a Godly influence on each others' lives, and I am extremely thankful for her. She not only sent me this amazing advice, but she invited me over for tortilla soup... and the company was much appreciated!
When I arrived home, I was greeted with a letter from my Granny Sue. It's a God thing that it arrived today. She is the strongest prayer warrior I've ever met, and she has made a point to let me know that she is praying daily for our future... and praying for God's will to happen.
She made a point, again in the letter, to tell me "we are in fervent prayer for the job situation- one that is right for both of you." I know that she is praying for me, Andrew, and us as a whole. She is praying for God's will.
I cannot think of a better prayer.
So, yes, I was reminded today that God' will is bigger than my own. God's plan for me is beyond my understanding. God knows what is best for me- even when I don't think He has a clue.
This is the point where I need to follow the lyrics of one of my favorite songs (which ironically, was posted by my stepmom today). They go as follows:
"What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now
Outside my own little world"
-Matthew West
I'm sorry for my rambling, and I will post a happy blog again tomorrow. Sometimes; however, it's good to let these feelings out... to let people know that everything is not always sunshine and happiness. I DO get sad, I DO get pitiful, and I DO cry.
BUT- At the end of the day I know the following things:
I worship a loving, almighty God.
This same God has my best interest at heart- and will not fail me.
I am married to an amazing guy.
I have a wonderful marriage filled with love.
I have a great family.
I have really good friends.
My life is FILLED with blessings beyond measure.
I am a strong, confident person.
I can do it.
It's time that I focus on all of my BLESSINGS.
I just need to let go and let God.
In closing, I'm determined to put the following into practice:
"
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
- Philippians 4:4-9
